Adams devotion to the martial arts can be attributed to the 1960's show the Green Hornet, which featured a certain Mr. Bruce Lee as the faithful sidekick 'KATO'. He is definitely our faithful sidekick. Don't expect him to say much though he doesn't speak a word of English!
Zippy is currently languishing in the luxury of his 1 bed dorma bungalow whilst reaping the royalties from his infamous ‘Plucking’ song. He only plays for The Comms coz he likes to dress in men’s clothing occasionally.
Now a permanent substitute for Dr Rolf he really is the only gay in the village!!
Bongo
Real name: Nick
Occupation: Bongo banger/Special agent
Hobbies: Swinging
Dislikes: Ribeana
Dream Holiday: The Congo
Nick is always on holiday, probably looking for his long lost brother Um Bongo! You should see the size of his bongos, instantly recognisable by the bright blue colour and genuine sheep scrotum drumhead skins!
Sgt Stax
Real name: Chris Moyles
Occupation: Guitar
Hobbies: Recycling
Likes: Special Brew
Special powers: Ability to purchase fifteen guitars at a time
He has been known to own a guitar for more than a week, not something he would openly admit! If you ever see Pete in the street please salute as he is the original Sgt! From an early age Pete was a born leader, that's why he takes the role of drillmaster very seriously. Maybe someone should court marshal him for playing with his flanger!
Big Mitch
Real name: Not Known
Occupation: Vocals / Stella Drinking
Hobbies: Eating babies & Chicken plucking
Qualifications: Complies with British standard BS ISO 16038:2005
Likes: Anything in black rubber that drinks pints of baby oil
Dislikes: Dieting/Celion Dion
Mitch has always had a close association with Belgium's finest export, Stella! Although he can never remember! Whenever he walks past ATS they instantly recognise him, who wouldn't, he's hard to miss! Without Mitch's leadership, I'm sure the band would never have made so many enemies. Like your embarrassing Uncle at a wedding he usually steals the show! (and the silverware)
Frosty
Real name: Tracey Alice WIlberfour
Occupation: Trumpet & Snake Inspector
Hobbies: Building Light Sabres
Habitat: Usually found in bed but has been found in 'strange places'
Likes: Bathing in Asses Milk and Cleaning Lint from Dryers
TV appearances: Jack the Frost, Wish You Were Here
Favourite food: Hello Kitty Pop Tarts
Frosty has webbed feet - a genetic trait he inherited from his cousin Aled Jones - Welsh T.V. and Radio Megastar. After failing an audition with S-Club 7 he decided to join a real band with his weapon of brass destruction. The Comms recently had to pawn all of their instruments to bail Frosty out of jail after he had streaked into the Cardiff auditions for American T.V. show "Supersize Me". Allegedly Frosty had misunderstood the overall theme of the show and also the audition requirements. Quoted as running onto the set unveiling himself and shouting at the top of his voice "Supersize this Boyo!" Frosty will be working for The Comms until eternity to pay off his bail bond. Frosty is now deeply remorseful. When questioned at the trial Frosty was asked by local reporters whether he had learnt from the experience. Frosty said "........Indupitably. I have learnt from my mistakes and I am confident that if required, I could repeat them perfectly".
The case continues.
Stretch
Real name: Nick
Occupation: Bass guitar/Groove-finder general
Special powers: Can extend his arms and legs to extreme lengths
Sidekick: Fetch Armstrong
Dislikes: People who swear(Mitch!)
Remember the jolly green giant? well that's Nicks real father, only he is in denial! (not in Egypt!) Unfortunately Nick has already fallen to the darkside and won't apply to the Guinness Book of records as the worlds tallest man! Not a lot of people know that Nick is made entirely of jelly! Don't ever give him Ice cream it may attract all the kids!
Mossy Boy
Real name: Christopher E. Moss
Occupation: Saxophone/Sex symbol
Hobbies: Horticulture, crab racing
Musical influences: George Formby, Les Dawson
Favourite food: Mushroom soup in a basket with a frisson of baby quail's eggs
Special powers: Jamaican plantation
Chris has a natural talent for attracting the oposite sex, as he is the god of all things sharp. Whenever Chris is around you know the party is going to rock (and spin in circles!). His playing is truly organic, it's uniquely fertilised with cow sh*t!
Stinky Pete
Real name: Pete
Occupation: Trombone/Trouser wearing
Hobbies: Fishing for trout (brown)
Special powers: Knock people out with one deadly dose of gas
Fav T.V programme: Johnny Briggs
The band are lucky to have Pete playing with them, he quite regularly has to drop the kids off at the local pool. Pete wields the biggest bell in the band and is the stereotypical brass player. Quiet, shy, polite, odourless, T-total.............
